Not all of Uncle Tom's stories are the same length. Just like in life, it's
not the size that matters, it's the experience that you have that makes it all
worthwhile. Hell, who am I kidding? Just wanted to let you know.
Once upon a time in a land far far away lived a hermit. Now this was
pretty much your basic run of the mill hermit. He lived by himself if a small
cave high utop the tallest mountain around. This hermit kept to himself and was
completely self sufficient. He had no human interaction, unless you count the
sock puppet he would talk to on some occasions. Anyways, one day this
adventurous call girl was on a mountain climbing expedition with some other of
her friends. She had been saving up her trick money for quite some time to go on
this trip, and she wanted it to be memorable. After a few smaller mountains, she
wanted to climb the big one. She always did enjoy the biggest peaks. Her friends
refused and said that that mountain was far too chalanging. Also, they had heard
stories of a crazy man who lived up there. She said it was all a tale and if she
was the bravest one of the group, she'd have to climb it alone. So she packed
all of the supplies she thought she'd need. Food, water, playing cards, etc. All
the things you'd need for climbing the tallest mountains of the world. She set
off and before long, she was actually at the top of the mountain! This time of
year it was particularly cold and the snow covered up the hermit's cave
entrance, so she thought she was all alone up there. Feeling almost euphoric,
the screamed out in joy. This caused a tremendous avalanche. As she and the show
fell from the mountain, she noticed the hermit's cave. Utilizing all of the
physical abilities, she forced her way to the opening. In the process, however,
she lost her backpack and supplies. Weakened and beaten, she was found by the
hermit. He brought her inside the cave, sat her by his fire, and offered her
some water.
"Thank you", she said.
"Tell me," replied the
hermit, "what is your name and occupation?"
She couldn't very well tell
ihm the truth, so she told him her name was Rebecca and that she was a doctor.
"A doctor? Well, I have had this pain in my foot recently."
"Actually, I
haven't practiced medicine in ages. Lately, I've been a...." She thought of the
oddest job she could. "...a...a lawyer."
"Well, I don't really have much
use for a lawyer up here. I was going to give you more supplies to get back down
the mountain, but I was hoping you would be able to do something for me."
Feeling sorry for the lonely hermit, the hooker replied, "Well, I do
have these cards. We could play a game." She wanted to go with her strengths so
she said, "Howabout strip poker? My hands are still cold, so you deal." The
games went on and on, and the hooker would either loose or fold until eventually
she was in her langerie. She was waiting for him to make his move, when he was
about to say something.
"You, my dear, are a prostitute."
"How
did you know?" asked the hooker.
"Well, I have been dealing you full
houses out of pity, and you keep folding. I knew something was wrong. Also, not
many mountain clibers, doctors, or especially lawyers, wear crotchless panties
and garter belts."
"So now that you know, can I be of service to repay
for those supplies?"
"Dear," he said, "I am a hermit cuz I have no need
for that kind of service, and also, I've been up here so long, I'm having a hard
enough time getting my cards up, if you know what I mean." They both enjoyed a
good laugh, the hooker got dressed, packed her supplies, and went back to her
friends.
The moral of this story is 1)Lawyers are the most useless
people in the world, and 2)Go with your strenghts: I mean, that's why they're
your strengths.