Hey Kiddies,
I have to thank you for all of the warm compliments of
the stories. This story telling thing is harder than I thought, but it can be
done. Beats me how people do it for a living though. 'Sadism For Cash And
Prizes' was much easier to tell. But I do want to thank all of you once again
who have been keeping up the replies. I so very rarely hear from the outside
world often anymore, well, except for my sock puppet. I was inspired by the
hermit, what can i say. Oh well, it's story time.
This broadcast of "Uncle Tom's Story Time" is copyrighted property of
Uncle Tom, and no rebroadcasts are permitted without the expressed written
consent of Uncle Tom, Major League Baseball, The Pope, and some drunk who is
passed out on your lawn.
Once upon a time, there was a farm. Now on this farm was your typical barn animals, and as you know, where there is animals, there are insects. This farm had plenty of them. Most of the bugs were run of the mill bugs. There was your bees, hornets, flies, mosquitos, and fleas, just to name a few. The animals and insects lived together in the way bugs and barnyard creatures do. They would get together and talk about the world as they knew it. One day, a mosquito flew up to a flea and struck up a conversation. They became good friends and soon realized that together they could escape the ho-hum confides of this farm.
"We should leave here," said the Flea
"But where would we go?" asked the mosquito
"There's got to be someway we could get out of here and someplace to go."
"I got an idea!" exclaimed the mosquito. "We're both blood-suckers, let's become lawyers!"
"Naw, you gotta know how argue, and I hate reading"
"Hmm, but were parasites. We gotta go with our strengths"
"That's it! We can run for political office. Politicians get to travel all around on tax payers money. Plus, we can meet, and feast on, all the new people we'd have to meet."
"Brilliant idea," remarked the mosquito, "How should we start?"
"Well, the farmer has a geeky son, let's go to him."
The two then went into the farmers house and up to the farmer's sons room where the boy was working on his computer. They promptly began to bite him for food, but this time it was different. Instead of simply listening to him for ideas, the somehow got his ideas through his blood. Now the boy was a geek, so the bugs quickly scared him off, running like a coward into the night.
By this point, the mosquito and the flea were heavy with blood and as such were able to have enough weight to press the son's keys on his keyboard. From that room, they ran the campaign of "Mr. Mos Kito". Many people thought he was oriental, and so he instantly had a huge vote for being a minority. The two funded their devious plans through brokering they also did on the computer. I mean, they did have to have a backup plan, and this kid was really smart. Now, the son did come back from time to time to see if his room was safe, but the bugs would quickly bite him and send him back running, safe with their new supply of super blood.
Everything went according to their plan. They had enough people paid off to boost community knowledge of "Mos Kito", and also to explain why he never showed up for any personal apperances. Luckily this was enough for them to win Govenor of the state. "Aim high and be happy cuz even if you miss, you'll still hit higher than you are now" was their slogan both for their plans, and for the now "Gov. Mos Kito". There was only one problem, they now needed somebody they could as a puppet to run the state. They decided the only viable option was the farmer's son.
When the boy next entered his room, the mosquito flew up to his ear and said "Wanna be the goveno.." The boy was quick and sufficient on his revenge on the parasite that had been tormenting him. A quick slap to his very own ear anded the life of the bug, and well as leave a slight headache. Realizing the plan was a failure, the flea decided he has to try to get some blood while he could and try to find another person. "Oh no you don't! You're not getting away", they boy said and as the flea tried to escape, the boy crushed the helpless parasite between his "Dummy's guide to Borland C++" and "Dummy's guide to Dating" books. "I knew these would come in handy some day," he said. Then he noticed what was on his computer, quickly changed his name to "Mos Kito", took the govenorship, and proceeded to become the most wealthiest and powerful man on the planet.
This, in my opinion, is a valuable story to know. And I don't just say that
because I have little experience in story telling, and I am trying to pad my
ego. Not all of my stories end in death, usually the ones with animals, cuz, I
mean, come on, animals kill things. And if they didn't, Fox would lose 15 hours
of thier shows a day. Welp, I guess that concludes our time together today. This
is another feel free to tell story, and if you havfe told these to anyone,
please tell me their reaction. I wanna know how I'm doing. Anyways, g'bye fer
now, kiddies.
Uncle Tom
"What do you do with an elephant with
three balls?"
"Walk it and pitch to the rhino"