Australia Geography

Australia is the only true country/continent in the world. Situated near the Tropic of Cancer, Australia has a warm climate. Australia is a barren, overheated rock of a country.  Personally, I don't consider Australia to be a 'continent'.  I think of it more of a 'continentina', or 'little continent'.  I'd call it a "god-forsaken island", but that honour has been reserved for Ireland.  The surface area is only  7.7 million square kilometres. (Canada has 10 mil).  Most of the population lives in the south-west of the country, or "inhabitable area" as it's known.

Australia has a listed population of 19 million, making it one of the few places that Canada could conquer.  I believe that this number does not take into account the millions of aboriganals laying in wait for their time to strike....

Australian History

Australia was founded in the 1800's as a prison colony for it's most vile prisoners and surfers. The country's parliament also acts as a British maximum security penatentary. Sort of a 'Paliamententary', if you allow me to coin the phrase. Australia ironically does have laws. Australia has had a Prime Minister wander off into the ocean never to be heard from again.  Either these people are cold hearted, ignorant, or both.

The australian flag is very symbolic to the country. Firstly, the small union jack in the top left coner represents the country's inability to cut the damn cord with England. Christ, I mean even Canada did away with the Union Jack on the national flag, and they're not as far away from England as physically possible on Earth. Anywho, there are six stars on the flag to show the country's ties to Satan.  The stars are seven pointed because they don't know how to draw stars, or because they were most probably drunk.  I've been told the stars represent the counrty and the southern cross, but that's just stupid. Then again, Canada loves a Maple Leaf, so I digress......

Australian Cultrue (or lack there of)

Since Australia is deviod of independent culture, what little culture it has is about you would expect in a country founded by brittish convicts. To keep the number of surfers at a maximum for tourism purposes, education is kept at a minimum. Australians live a very simple and happy life. Between Foster's beer and Rugby, there is little else they need, such as arts and culture.

Australias favourite pasttimes are rugby, drinking, cricket, drinking, fighting, and some sort of combination of all of the above known as "frinketby".

Australian Creatures

Australia is filled with the most dangerous poisonous animals and creatures in the known world.  Not only can every living thing on the island kill you, worse yet is that it wants to.

Kangaroos are venemous, like all Australian creatures.  Through their powerful legs, they can travel at speeds greater than sound, which is why you never hear them comming.  They taste like pork.  Kangaroos are commonly misconceived as being cute and cuddily, but if kangaroos weren't on the island, the country's population would at least be two-fold.

Sharks are everywhere around the country.  they'd be inland, but as we covered, there is no water on the mainland. Australian sharks are the only venemous sharks in the world.  They live only to kill.

Australia Food

Steve Irwin

All australians love and admire Steve Irwin. They love his wanton lack of concern for safety. This is a trait legally required in Australia.

Australian men are certifiably insane.  If they weren't, they wouldn't be living in Australia. As covered in the Culture section, Australian men love two main things in life: "Drinkins and fightins".  They also like to surf, despite the sharks.  They also love their Australian women, as we'll cover later.  If you get into an argument with an Aussie man, speak slowly, calmyly, softly, and with as small of words as possible.  What they lack in intellect, they generally make up in deltoids and speed. Reason and logic are useless, especially when dealing with rugby or cricket.

Kylie Minogue

All australian women look, or at least try to look, like Kylie Minogue. They've affectionatly nicknamed her the "Singing Budgie" because she is brightly coloured and most of her noises are undescernable by humans.

Australian women are wild, insatiable sex beasts.  They'll do things that even you are afraid to try due to the human body's inability to handle the intensity of the endorphin rush.  This is possibly why the Australian men are all insane. Wild doesn't even begin to cover the depths to what these women can do. If you're going to be one of the very fortunate people to have sex with an Australian woman, I recommend a strict stretching and cardiovascular training regement. You may be done, but if she isn't, it matters not. They're just that wild. Australian women generally have a slightly larger than normal overbite with slightly larger than normal front teeth and small hands.  They tend to be brightly coloured and difficult to catch, like wallabies. They taste like pineapple.